Back in 2018 I went through a 200+ hour Yoga Teacher Training. My initial thought going into YTT was that it would be a great thing to utilize during my off-season. I’ve always wanted to teach, in some sense of the word, and figured if I loved yoga enough why not give it a shot.
But instead of showing me how much I wanted to teach, it showed me how much I wasn’t ready to.
Everything that came with the class was amazing. It was more than just a sit down and learn all the poses, and for that I am forever grateful. I usually label it as my four month intensive therapy session. I realized how many walls I had in place, how many separate rooms I had for people and feelings, and I finally was able to understand what it meant to be myself.
But probably more importantly – it taught me that yoga is more than just each pose. It’s about creating space in your mind and in your heart. It’s about finding calm in your life. A calm enough to understand what calm means. It means finding your centered, balance self and adjusting your perception from there.
So I received a certificate, and can now teach. Right that is correct – it’s not that I didn’t “graduate”. I’m not ready to teach yoga because of my reason for yoga. My why – if you will.
In order to teach yoga (or so in my version of yoga) you need to cultivate a space that is open for other people to create their space. In order to do that, you yourself need to be available (heart and soul) to hold the room for them.
My entire photography profession is about this.
Holding the room for my clients to enjoy their moments.
Holding enough of a space safe that they trust me to capture what I see so they can be their fullest self.
So, I understand and acknowledge and PRACTICE what it means to be a yoga teacher, but I’m not ready to teach actual yoga.
I realized I place yoga in this room that only allows me in and out. It is something completely separate from business or pleasure. It’s purely mine. At this moment in my life, I’m not ready to open that door and move my yoga from “all mine” to a “new business venture”.
It sounds selfish, but yoga is probably the most important selfish decision I’ve made.
So I’m a yoga teacher that doesn’t teach yoga.
Instead I am constantly learning and teaching myself how important yoga is to me.
How to cultivate relationships with what I’ve learned.
And how impactful my profession is with yoga helping me through it.
My advice? Everyone needs to go through YTT. Whether you are ready, or on the edge. Even if you never want to teach. If anything it allows you to see your soul on a different level. It allows you to process things clearly without sweat or dirt or people getting in the way.
I’m happy I went through it at a time that I did. I needed it.
It’s just, I still need it 🙂